A SECOND GUESS

I am 27 years old. Only had one serious boyfriend when I was very young and had several flings along the way. A lot of my friends are married now, as a matter of fact, there are only two single ladies in our high school batch. One of those would be, of course, yours truly. Last Christmas break, I witnessed three of my close friends getting married and for a while, I felt like I wanted to get married in the future too.

I did not come from a broken family. Our family is very much intact and very happy. If I wanted to have a role model as a wife/mother/family woman, I don't have to look very far. I have several of them. But then, marriage is not really an ultimate goal for me, unlike most women from where I came from. 

In one of my many solitary moments, I typed in my phone how trapped I feel I am. I look up to women who are really good in their field and I wanted to be really like them. However, they are either single, married without kids, or with kids but divorced. I admire how they totally went after their passion. On the other hand, I also feel like I am obligated to be "normal". In Asian lingo, it means getting a job then getting married. 

I could not say that I never want to get married. I also could not say that I want to. I am convincing myself though that I will settle down and have my own family in the future. I like to be normal. As a matter of fact, I pinned couple/wedding pictures on my cork board to symbolize my future "goals." 

Having a psyche as different as mine makes it harder, however. You see, I am surrounded by people around me who mean well. Who "know" what is "best" for me. What they do not know is the more they do what they are doing, the less it makes me want to have anything to do with a relationship. Specially when the advice is coming from a woman. I don't know why, but there are very few women who I listen to. I don't think they understand where I am coming from. My goals have always been different than most of them so whenever they give me advice, I feel like it does not apply to me because I cannot relate to a word they are saying. 

It annoys me. Really. The more they annoy me, the more I want to disappoint them...by not being interested with anyone. The more advice I receive, the harder my heart gets. It's sad, I know. That is why right now, I am second guessing. 

What if everybody just left me alone with my decisions? What if nobody got excited over every guy I meet and decide that that guy is the one I'm going to marry? What if everybody just shut up whenever they feel that something's going on between me and another person? What if they did not play matchmaker? 

I think, I would have been involved in a relationship earlier. The whole thing could have been more appealing to me...If only...

A LOSS

Finally, after the seven-in-a-row wins, Jeremy Lin and the Knicks lost. All the talks about his being invincible died down. After his previous games, when you check nba.com, 4 of the 5 or 6 headlines would be about him. But after the loss, there was only one. Now, a lot of the people who have been cheering for him have been disappointed, reality slapped them. JEREMY LIN IS HUMAN! HE IS NOT INVINCIBLE ALL ALONG!

What gave the doubters more reason to doubt is that they did not lose to a powerhouse team. Not to Miami, not to Bulls, not to Dallas...they lost to the Hornets. One of the bad performers this season (and the last few seasons). As the nba.com headline today says, "Preparing for the Unknown."

It is during this time, however, that I am reminded why I am his fan...even before I watched him play. I am glad that I was already a fan before I learned that he could play basketball well. I was a fan because of his character. I have much respect for him. Knowing that he is a Christian, I know that he would be able to bounce back.

I would guess that after the loss, he was very disappointed. He must have gone to his room, feeling really down, and he wants some strength. A strength that he could never get anywhere else...anywhere else but God. I know for sure that the night he had his first loss, he had prayed like he had never prayed these past two weeks. All of his prayers before were of celebration and thanks, which isn't bad, by the way. But the prayers when you are weak and everything is crumbling down is a different prayer. It has a different feel. I know that he went back to his favorite verses, maybe talked to his pastor.

No one knows how the Dallas Mavericks game would play out. All I know is "All things work together for good to them who love God (Rom. 8:28)." He survived over a year being a bench warmer, two waivers, stereotypes. He will be fine. As long as he sticks to the faith. And I am still a fan. This should be a humbling experience for him.

JEREMY LIN #linsanity

I know everyone is thinking i'm just hopping on the bandwagon of this Linsanity thing. It is partly true. The whole truth is I've learned about him during the lockout when he guested in Kevjumba's "I'm Not Cool" video (he was also a guest in Ryan Higa's video). After a few days, he started his own channel and I immediately subscribed. At first, it was just because he's asian (I'm supporting asian youtubers). After he posted his second video, he totally got my respect. 

In every video that he posts, he always puts a verse in the end. I find it really inspiring to see a guy who doesn't look like a creepy religious nut being very vocal about his faith. He was asked by Arden Cho what his other passions are aside from basketball. He said he really wants to be a pastor so he's doing a lot of community work right now, and a lot of other "good boy" stuff. <----that's my term

A few days ago, as I was having my daily dose of basketball news from the internet, I read his name. Finally! I smiled. I was thinking, "Wow, so he's getting some playing time now." A couple of days later, I read his name again. Cool. 

When I checked twitter, Philip Wang of Wongfu Productions tweeted Kevjumba a link about Houston Rocket's regret of letting JLin go. That was when I realized that this is now the real thing. Honestly, I don't follow NBA religiously. I only do that during playoffs. That's the reason why I haven't even heard of the Golden State Warriors before. By watching his video though, you could see his dedication. I am talking about his video, "A Day in the Life of Jeremy Lin." 

Tonight, I was able to watch the replay of the Knicks game vs. the Lakers, a.k.a. Lin vs. Kobe. To say that I am impressed with his performance is an understatement. I love how he credited everyone in his team during the interview and how he gives back the glory to God. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

WHAT'S IN MY WALLET

It's been a month (and a day) since I last posted an entry and I was not really busy, I was just lazy to blog. But tonight, I was able to stay away from my laptop for a while and here is the result. I should really make an effort to get off the computer more often.

Tonight, as I was looking at my poor wallet that was in service for a good 4-5 years, I realized that I have to buy a new one.

wear and tear

cracked

As I was emptying my old wallet, I was amused by my rediscovery of some stuff.

the first french name (i think) I pronounced correctly

hot mess

Here are the contents in detail:

Have you ever bought anything worth millions? I have...look:

2,425,000 worth??? rupiah :)

That was my old, trusty, and broken (rest in peace) BB Curve 8520. I bought it when I went to Indonesia in 2010. It was because almost everyone that I know in that country own a blackberry. Mine's the cheapest kind. Blackberry wasn't very popular in the Philippines then. Thus, my BBM contacts could also be renamed as My Indonesian Friends. Needless to say, was not able to use that app much.

The next is a recent receipt:

where i bought our snacks for picnic

I got that last December when I went home for vacation. It was my first time in the place and it was so much fun. I shopped with my youngest sister and nephew who only stayed in one place because the place was so tight.

I also have a collection (not intentional) of different currencies:

money from different countries

First is what remained of my trip to Malaysia last December

$1= 3.11 Malaysian Ringgit 

I've never been to Papua New Guinea but my students from years ago gave me 30 Kinas when they did their class report on Basic Finance.

according to my students: 30 kinas = 600 Php

These are from Indonesia (May 2010 trip):

14,000 rupiah = about 70 Php = about $1.50

This is the currency I use now. I got two $1 bills, 41 dimes, 8 nickels, 75 pennies. Baby, I am broke this way. hahahaha...

$6.75

I also have pictures (typical Filipino). I actually forgot I still have these:

Pictures of my review school friends, my students, passport pictures, me and my sister

It's nice to see my different faces all through the years.

I found my claim stub for my voter's id which, when I last checked in the internet, is still in process. Yes, after more than two years. The ticket for a religious concert is pretty recent. I knew I couldn't watch it but because the one who sold me the ticket is my friend, I spent a big amount of Php200! :D

an expired discount card for Monte Vista, my voter's ID claim stub, a ticket to a religious concert

I also have lots of business cards. When I was teaching, I used to be the contact for our college for retreats, tours, t-shirt printing, etc. Before I left, I gave out the business cards for the resorts in Batangas.

Business cards

Those that remain are mostly from my friends, fellow educators, my hairstylist (naks!). The one from National Car Rental was from a guy I met when I was buying my ticket to go to Palau. I promised to give him a call when I arrive, I still haven't til now. I wonder if he's still here.

Some of my friends who gave me their cards are crazy, the guy who gave me this being the craziest:

Business card from my crazy friend

He kept teasing that he likes me. It was a joke of course, I am one of the boys, they know I'll never take what they say seriously so they freely 'flirt' around me. 

Ok, so there goes the stuff in my wallet, here's to keeping new memories:

my new wallet that can hold a lot of cards!

I am in an island now so the popular brands here are the 'beach brands' such as RipCurl, Billabong, O'Neill, Quicksilver, etc.

from Girbaud to Ripcurl

So, what memories do you keep in your wallet?