RANT: There's Something About Being Alone

I know I've just blogged about how hate it when guys hit on me just because I'm single and I said I want to stay single. Good thing, I said it may be just for a few days because here I am in one of those rare occasions, wishing for someone.

You can't blame me though. I am far from home, my roommate went to a month-long vacation, and my birthday is coming up. Somehow, all those things make me feel more alone than before. I have nothing against relationships and guys, really. I have everything against the wrong guys though who are trying too hard.

So yeah, Saturday night alone in the house with a not-so-severe-but-not-so-mild migraine attack makes me wish I am with someone, in a relationship...for real. The video above sort of expresses the mood tonight.

RANT: There Are Times When...

I wish I am with someone...in a relationship. It gets pretty annoying when you are single and everyone thinks you are available and everyone just gets too assuming. There are times when I wish I could say "yes" to the question, "do you have a boyfriend now?" so they would just leave me alone after just one question.

I am single, I like it that way. It might change in the future, maybe just after a few days, but let me tell you one thing: you would not be the reason for it!

Just because we are both single wouldn't mean that we will be together. Ever.

Get lost.

Sorry, that was a bit too much but really! If I like you, I'd let you know, I swear! You can ask all the guys I've liked  before, they never had to play the guessing game. And, oh, by the way, the more you try impress me, the more I get turned off. Stop trying too hard. It's not worth it.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

There's a movie with that title (starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake), just recently, there was also "No Strings Attached", and now there's a tv series with the same title. Why? How many times do we have to watch friends having sex and not committing into a relationship. Why are shows with that theme booming right now?

I can only think of one answer. Because yuppies and teenagers can relate to it. You get to feel the 'magic' and yet you would not be burdened by the commitment woes and responsibilities. Convenient, right?
So this is where the world has gone to. We talked too much about freedom that people only do what 'feels right' and not what is actually right. It's so sad really. I am saying this not to judge other people in that situation but because I know how it feels. I am one very commitment phobic person and how I wish I wasn't. I am afraid of the expectations, demands, and responsibilities that come with every relationship so I tried (and am still trying) my best to avoid those. It seems to be the norm now.

Marriage sounds like a burden now when it used to be the highlight in every person's life before. People don't try much to make the relationship work when the magic has faded off. It's now scary to be married.

Oh men, I'm starting to be so pessimistic and i'm already losing hope on humanity. All of a sudden, the future seems not so exciting anymore with so much decline in morality, I don't know if I would still want to have a child.

THAT OVERRATED QUESTION, "DO YOU LOVE ME?"

As I was browsing the internet today, specifically tumblr, i realized that most of the posts that have the most notes are those that are about love. I have nothing against love, it's a beautiful thing. Everyone wants to feel it and express it. However, most of the things i saw are about how to know if a person really loves you...like REALLY. I have been there before. I had a boyfriend and all i do every single day is to assess if he still loves me because if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve me. Whenever he does not meet my expectations, i would assume that he is getting tired of me and he doesn't love me enough anymore. I promised myself that i would never burden anyone in a relationship. So every month, i would try to break up with him. He would ask me why and i will just say that i think he is taking me for granted, or that i think he is just obligated to the 'boyfriend stuff', and that basically, i am just a burden to him. He, on the other hand, would also feel unloved and tell me that my friends are more important to me and that i am happier with other people and stuff like that.
After the (final) breakup, i decided to look back and analyze every single thing in that relationship. Why it didn't work, why did i feel relieved of something, why, why, why...
I realized one thing, both of us have been too focused on checking each other if we are still in love and yet we failed to ask ourselves if we are.
So now, whenever i meet a guy, i don't ask him if he still enjoys my company or if i'm special to him. I ask myself instead. Do i still like him? Do i enjoy his company? Do i show him what he really is to me? I don't care how he feels anymore...ok, i still do, but not as much as i care how i feel towards him. Instead of assuming what he thinks about me, i evaluate myself and learn for a fact if i am still into him and if i am going in the other direction, i ask myself why. Is there anything that can be done to save it? If yes, then i do it then and there. I make the choice to grow with him. If none, then i know it's time to let go.
Letting someone know how you feel towards them is your sole responsibility. If he told you he loves you once, then believe until the time that he takes it back. How he feels is beyond your control. All you can control is your own feelings. Because there is no amount of explanation that could make up for lost love.
So lovers, don't waste your time demanding from your partner to prove his/her love to you. Just know know for a fact that you are still in love with him/her and are committed to staying in love.

Stop asking, "do you still love me?" (okay, except on special occasions and the moment calls for it).