...not to grow old. I prayed to God that He would let me die early, in my sleep. I know it's a morbid thought for most people but do you realize that being alive causes death? I am not prepared to die now, so I hope God would not allow that this early. But still, everyone dies eventually. FACT. So what made me say that prayer?
I have come to terms with myself. I have accepted that there is a possibility that I would never get married...nor have a child. Why, you ask. Because I tend to complicate things. I complicate things that are so simple. I realized that when I was teaching. Somehow, I feel a satisfaction when I complicate things and my students would have to squeeze all the juices out of their brains to get an answer. When they do get the answer, I feel so proud. I know those few students who were able to do it feel it too.
When I started working as an accountant, my former boss would always scold me because I always make my schedules hard for her to understand. You see, I explain the way I think...and I confuse her. For me, easy is boring. There is no sense of achievement in that.
So, the same thing applies to my choices in life. I like it complicated. The love stories I made up in my mind would not be acceptable to most guys or is close to impossible to happen in real life. That is why I have to accept the POSSIBILITY of growing old alone.
People always tell me to get married so that someone could take care of me when I grow old. My solution: don't grow old. Hence, the prayer last night.
No comments:
Post a Comment