Everything Is Sinking In Now

This weekend I've realized that my plate is really full. Being the president of a religious organization means that something has to happen every week if you want the organization to grow. You can't procrastinate, and you can't not have plans.

Another big responsibility is the financial statements. How i wish the former CFO would reply regarding my inquiries. My heart just beats faster every time I remember the audit. If only she would reply. Making the financial statements is not that hard, really. It's those little things and the pressures and expectations from bosses that's making me scared.

Then I remember that before any of those things enumerated above happened, I accepted the responsibility of organizing our high school reunion in December. I have to make plans and be creative so that more people would be interested in joining.

And now, I'm a bit sick. I hope I get better soon.

the verse that keeps me going

SCARED

I haven't blogged for a while. I just really had the urge to express something. I feel like I have overwhelming responsibilities now. I always had them but this time it feels different. Maybe because I take them more seriously now. How I wish I could just get them over with. I want to escape, I want to quit. This is making me realize how weak I am...how much of a coward I am...despite other people's perception of me.

I'm feeling pretty scared. I need someone to help me, guide me, and just carry the burden with me. It is during these times that I am so thankful that I believe in God. Somehow, knowing that someone greater than you is watching over gives comfort. I've been having strange dreams lately and I'm having urges to scream.

Lord, help me. I feel so weak.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

There's a movie with that title (starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake), just recently, there was also "No Strings Attached", and now there's a tv series with the same title. Why? How many times do we have to watch friends having sex and not committing into a relationship. Why are shows with that theme booming right now?

I can only think of one answer. Because yuppies and teenagers can relate to it. You get to feel the 'magic' and yet you would not be burdened by the commitment woes and responsibilities. Convenient, right?
So this is where the world has gone to. We talked too much about freedom that people only do what 'feels right' and not what is actually right. It's so sad really. I am saying this not to judge other people in that situation but because I know how it feels. I am one very commitment phobic person and how I wish I wasn't. I am afraid of the expectations, demands, and responsibilities that come with every relationship so I tried (and am still trying) my best to avoid those. It seems to be the norm now.

Marriage sounds like a burden now when it used to be the highlight in every person's life before. People don't try much to make the relationship work when the magic has faded off. It's now scary to be married.

Oh men, I'm starting to be so pessimistic and i'm already losing hope on humanity. All of a sudden, the future seems not so exciting anymore with so much decline in morality, I don't know if I would still want to have a child.

Celebrate! (I Was Supposed To)

At exactly 4 weeks from now, I would be celebrating my 27th birthday. I am not really that much of a birthday-celebrator but I want to do something for a change. Besides, I'm pretty excited about turning 27. I feel like I'm more grown up now...hahaha...yeah, I'm retarded like that. In three years time, I would be in my 30's already and I am excited to be there. I know it's weird but I make my life interesting so I can't wait to know what kind of life I have in three years.

Anyway, I wasn't able to go out because of the heavy rain and i don't have a car (loser). Times like these make me want to buy a car but on other days, I'm so thankful that I don't have one. I wanted to go to a resto where there is not much people, I was planning to bring my journal and have a quiet time alone and meditate and evaluate my life in the past years. I was supposed to make plans and know what I want to accomplish this year. But the rain did not allow me. I just had the next best thing...miso soup, apple, and chips...not really the next best thing but it's still good nonetheless. I hope I would still be in the mood to do it next Wednesday.

I really miss my self-pampering time. I realized that I haven't done it in a while.

I went to Ngemelis Island for an overnight trip. It was fun. My camera broke though :( good thing, it broke after all the good shots were taken. Ordered another one this morning. I am not used to not having a camera anymore. I want everything documented.

STAY AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER

From the 29 Ways to Be Creative

#4. Get away from computer.

This is so true. When I am doing something else, a lot of thoughts flow effortlessly, I feel like I would never forget them. I say to myself, "I'll put that in my blog later." However, after a few moments and I am in front of my laptop, I could not remember a single thing that I would blog about, or even if I do, the sequence of thoughts just don't make sense. It's annoying.

#2. Carry a notebook everywhere.

This is the solution to the problem I have stated above. Bring a notebook. Jot down every single thought. But I'm too stubborn. Yes, I have a notebook with me every time but I don't always use it. 

#14. Don't give up.

I guess this is what I should work on. NEVER GIVE UP. I may be stupid now and my posts may be very boring and nonsense but hey, who knows, I might improve one of these days. 

Another Celebrity Victim

Yes, I used the word victim. I am talking about Ron Artest. Apparently, he is sexting a girl and he sent the photo...and it leaked to the internet.

Two things.

1.) In this day and age, everything recorded can be shared. The probability that it will be shared is directly related to how a.) fun b.) touching c.)cute d.) obscene e.) gross the material is. Oh! another thing, how FAMOUS the main character is. Character in the medium is famous plus any other element I have enumerated above, perfect recipe for owning the internet.

2.) Most celebrities have good physique. One of the reasons why they are looked up to because not a lot of people could maintain that. Problem is, humans tend to be so conceited...even ugly people. The conceit level grows exponentially with the level of being good looking plus insecurity. Yes, the more insecure a person is, the more conceited they become. The more conceited (or horny) they are, the more pictures.

And now, Ron Artest seem to have fallen prey to his lustful desires as well. That's too bad because I actually like him.

Ok, I've been distracted several times while doing this blog, this almost doesn't make sense. I think I'll just post some pictures then...of books!

wholesome picture.hahaha